Admitted

On Monday Bella started with a runny nose. On Tuesday she started needing a little O2. On Wednesday the coughing was bothering her (and me), so I called pulmonary - can we get something for the cough? Sounds viral, he says, just keep an eye on it. On Thursday the desats started. On Friday the secretions were yellow and thick. I called again. He didn't like the hours long recovery from the coughing, nor the 4L we had to use, nor the 69 we dropped to. ER, he says. What? I did my little pouty dance and then called and made agreements for the girls, packed Bella and I's bags ( I don't go NEAR the ER without a change of clothes - learned that the hard way!), and then called the ambulance. Of course pulmonary called ahead of us, so they were ready for us. I started talking about going home before they were even done ordering tests. I have learned to get that goal firmly planted in the forefront of every conversation. Bella just has to be wheeled in and she's an automatic admit. Sigh. I almost had the ER docs convinced that we really could manage this at home with some antibiotics, but unfortunately for me, pulmonary was managing this one, so they had to defer to them. So Friday we ended up in PCU on two IV antibiotics. Gaining access was terrible. The sweet thing had to be stuck and stuck. She knows exactly what those blue elastic bands are for. She feels them on her skin and the tears start. Poor baby. By the time we made in out of ER she was bubbling with green secretions from her trach. I think part of that was all the crying - it really helped to move things up and out. She had a good night though. Her CBC is already improving. It did show that she was fighting an acute infection. So I am glad that she is getting the meds. It looks like, though, that I have convinced the attending and the fellow that we really can manage this at home. I can turn up and down oxygen as well as the next person. I can give xopenex. My nurses can handle the IV antibiotics - so we MIGHT be going home tomorrow - Mother's Day. It helps that both the attending and the fellow are women and are mothers and they understand that I really want to be home tomorrow. I want to be with all my girls tomorrow. They also know that I wouldn't do ANYTHING to jeopardize my sweet baby girl. If I thought she was beyond what we could handle at home, I would be the first one to call the ambulance.

A couple of observations from this stay. I have changed so much in the past year. The first time Bella was in ICU, sedated, on the vent with an IV, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold her - and I answered no. I was so scared. I didn't know HOW to hold her. Where should I put my hands without hurting her? Today I held Bella on my hip with her circuit, her leads, her feeding tube, her pulse ox, and her IV while I changed the linens on her bed. I just had to smile. It's amazing what we can get used to, what becomes the norm.

The resident in the ER was one of the residents in cardiology a year ago when Bella was waiting to be repaired. Every time we come here, people remember us. Everyone remembers beautiful Arabella, but when they remember me, I wonder. :)

Happy Mother's Day! I hope we get to celebrate it at home :)