Sweet girl. She was terrified, she was sick, then the hospital wanted no part of dealing with her airway, then we were re-scheduled, so the fourth time, that cast finally came off.
Sweet thing wouldn’t even be calm after versed. They waited and waited and ended up just taking her back still screaming. She was just too worked up. They let me walk with her all the way to the surgical doors, but I couldn’t go in with her. It broke my heart. It was our third time in that same OR department in four weeks. Everyone recognized us and try to love on our girl, but she was too scared. She knew where she was and what was about to happen.
She wasn’t really even totally ever under. They just sedated her enough that she was gone, they took off the cast, removed the pin, and then let her wake up. And she woke up MAD! But once she realized we were taking wires and tubes OFF, and once everyone left her alone, she crashed hard on me and slept and slept.
I felt so terrible as they took her away screaming. This was not her fault. Not that any of her many surgeries have been her fault, but they have been a by-product of her health, her DNA, the way she was knit together. It is what it is. But this one, this one was from me. I caused this one. I broke her bone. Yes, it was totally an accident, but how guilty I felt (and feel). Once again, Bella is having to go through something she didn’t ask for, that she didn’t deserve. I thought of our Savior – sinless (like Bella), suffering for something someone else did (in this case, me). When He died for us, He cried out. He did it because He loves me (and all of us).
Anyway, poor girl. So grateful that is over. Her finger is healing nicely. She can have baths again (yeah!) Her nail has started to grow again and she’s starting to use her arm again. Love you, my amazing girl!
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